Free drinks at the best brunch in Brooklyn
If an alien lands on Earth, comes to New York, the alien would be confused by why New Yorkers would stand outside of a restaurant for over an hour for lunch on Sundays. Are New Yorkers too good for Aunt Jemima? Does brunch gets people horny?. Brunch doesn't exactly get me hard, however I do find myself being part of the shuffle on the weekends. I broke my hour-wait cherry during my visit to Buttermilk Channel in Brooklyn. Never before had I voluntarily let over an hour pass before eating. In fact, I had always made it a priority to not wait on the weekends. After all, weekends come at a premium, why spend it waiting? But then I'd hear from friends about Buttermilk Channel and it came up while surfing blogs, and the noise just became too loud. An investigation had to happen. Why all these yuppies be queuing up?!
I once brought my own rice into a cafeteria-style dining room. It saved me like 40 cents or something. They looked at me funny. It goes without saying, I'm a cheap motherfucker. So when you tell me there's a complimentary drink and $5 dollar pancakes, you get my attention. The free drink can be like a bellini or a mimosa, so they're not just giving you free coffee and make it sound like gold dusted poop.
For $10 or $11 dollars you can get egg scrambles. The way the eggs pop out of the container, I almost want to pet it like a soft baby. It tastes probably similar to a soft baby, just one that has cured salmon running through its veins. The menu mentioned cream cheese in the scramble, although it's the strength of the the lox that comes through. It also comes with a hockey puck looking hash brown. It was a refreshing textural contrast to the soft egg scramble. For $11, it's a good deal.
Bacon was also ordered. It was thick and delicious. For $4 bucks, it comes out to around one dollar per strip of bacon. For New York City, that's a really strong value proposition. It's downright sexy. Wait a minute, is the crispy porky goodness of brunch actually making me hard? Goddamn it! Fight the urge! Just think of Michelle Bachman's fucked up face! Oh ok, better now. Let's move on.
Fuck Republicans. I mean, I love French Toast. What's not to love? It's like skipping the meal and going straight for the dessert. The version at Buttermilk Channel had me reaching for the glass of water between bites. Still, I poured on the syrup like a slutty masochist and just went for it. This dish is really more like dessert, therefore if you prefer a less-sweet French toast, this version would not be for you.
Buttermilk Channel is probably one of the best brunch deals in Brooklyn. You get a free drink and most of the things on the menu are reasonably priced. Seriously, a side of pancakes is just $5. French Toast is $10. Many of the egg dishes are just $10 as well. Is it as good as a trusty dildo? I mean if your vibe can build you up for an hour before finally delivering on the goods, I guess so. Sometimes I wonder if waiting for brunch actually make the brunch taste better. It's up to you to decided whether to visit Buttermilk Channel right when they open, so you can skip the wait. Or just just line up for over an hour. At the end, the food is worth it, but whether it makes you horny is debatable.
Buttermilk Channel
524 Court St.
Brooklyn, NY 11231
718-852-8490
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This post was durty, and i liked it so much i decided to stop lurking for a change and comment.
MaltyDog
March 8, 2011 1:35 pm
I'm gonna report you for blackhat SEO techniques. This is just going to come up on search keywords for various types of porn, XXX, viagra!
Nicholas
March 8, 2011 3:26 pm
@Malty,
Thank you. I try to durty it up for you next time too. I think it increases my traffic. haha
@Nicholas,
You just inserted awesome keywords into this post! FTW! haha. Ah, damn SEO. It's just fun to mess around with key words. I'm sure my page rank will go from shitty to a little less shitty.
Danny
March 8, 2011 3:28 pm
Waiting for brunch certainly does not make it better, but I'm pretty sure talking about dildos before, during and after brunch improves quality at a strong pancake-to-dildo ratio.
James
March 9, 2011 12:13 am
Using "Best brunch in brooklyn" to drive new traffic to your blog...and making the wait longer for the rest of us. Not only do you talk dirty, you're playing dirty too!
luvsocks
March 9, 2011 10:54 am
@James,
Totally, that ratio is usually way skewed towards pancakes. For the first time ever, this blog attempts to rectify that ratio.
@luvsocks,
haha, well I get my tactics from the biggest food blog out there. They run 'Best' lists all day long AND they keyword stuff in the URL. So what can I say? Why fight it? Next up? Page loading slideshows!!!!
Danny
March 9, 2011 10:57 am
If you're gonna go all the way to the boonsickles to eat here, then you have no excuse to go try out Iris.
FN
March 9, 2011 12:24 pm
@FN,
Alright, I'll try Iris next time I'm in the boonsickles.
Danny
March 9, 2011 2:36 pm