Food in Mouth


Checkers french fries and speaking freely

If you like fresh hamburgers grilled/griddled to order, then please turn away. If you like hand cut fries that come from real potatoes, I got nothing for you. But if you want 1700 calories of greasy goodness that's sure to kill you in fifty years? Well I got just the thing. Ever since they added calorie counts to the fast food menus, it's been a lot of fun to see how much you're getting when you think about getting two filet o fish or something. I went to the newly opened Checker's on Court street, and combo number one ranged from 1400 to 1700 calories. Since I requested my Fanta without ice, and since the cup was way too big to be just a 'medium', I probably got 1700 or more calories from lunch on Sunday. Of course three hours later I also went and ate an arepa slathered with some tasty mayo. Sometimes you just really have to fill up, you know? Anyway, so let's talk about Checker's, or Rally's, depending on what part of the country you're from.


In the Mid-West, this chain is known as Rally's. I started eating this as a kid, but the only thing that I got from Rally's was french fries. Their burgers just didn't impress me that much. Down south, this chain is called Checker's, but it's all the same stuff. When I lived in the South, I didn't know Checkers = Rally's and just never went to Checkers. And I call myself educated. So this past weekend I decided to try their hamburger again, and also eat some of those delicious fries. They weren't going to scare me with the 1700 calorie thing.

There's something to be said about consuming something you know is going to be 1700 calories. It just... makes you feel like a man. Of course eight hours prior to consuming such a great meal, I was at the edge of my seat watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. That also makes me feel like a man. A sissy man. I think combo number one was in some way used to redeem myself. Too bad it didn't work...


The quarter pound cheese burger was actually pretty decent. It came with lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, ketchup, pickles, and onions. This with fries and an oversized 'medium' drink came out to a little less than $7. Pretty good deal. If you're keeping track at home, that's about 242 calories per dollar. It's not as good as a bag of cheetos which will fetch you 300+ calories per $1, but that's ok. Compared to eating cheetos for lunch (which I've done in this calendar year before), Checkers is practically haute cuisine. The burger is what a fast food burger normally taste like, so I wouldn't say rush out there to try it. If you know and like fast food burgers, this one is ok. I didn't really go to Checkers for the burger though, it was all about the fries.

In retrospect, I should have just saved my calories for just the fries and not order the combo. But it just seemed weird to not know what their burger taste like. I knew their fries would kick ass even before I took a bite. The great thing about Checkers and Rally's is that they batter the potato with some sort of seasoned crack. If you eat like, five large servings of their fries, it would make you country strong, just like Kwame Brown. I highly recommend it. The fries are nice and crisp, and they're never under seasoned. I know. I've been eating this since I was like 9-years-old. You might not have heard of Checkers before, but as a 18 year veteran of their fries, I can say it's just about always spot on. Now, you might not like frozen seasoned fries with batter. And that's ok. We ain't gotta get along, that's just more fries for me to love.


So actually what made me so hungry this weekend was that I was riding in the back of a uhaul van. Just kidding. I helped some of my friends move their stuff to their new places. So around 11am on Saturday, Pat and I were by the uhaul van loading some stuff up. Pat was in the van rearranging his stuff and I was taking a break on the sidewalk. To me left, about 15 feet away were these two white dudes walking by. They looked kinda weird because it was 11am, and one of them had a DSLR around his neck. Just so you know, there's absolutely nothing of photographic value by 4th avenue. It's tire-iron alley. So besides the fact that they looked like out of place tourists in a place that doesn't attract tourists, they looked fine. I didn't pay any attention to these cats, and then as they walked by, one dude goes,

Dude: "Hi. Are you interested in a free CD?"
Me: [i look down]
[reads: blah blah, Jesus, blah]
*my head: oh hell no motherfucker. get away from me.*
*real life*: [shakes head]. "Uh.. no. I don't want it."
Dude: "Are you sure? It's free. Do you speak English?"
Me: [gets angry]
*my head: WHAT?!?!*
[gathers self.]
Me (with attitude): "Yes. I speak English. I probably speak better English than you do. And no, I'm not interested in your CD."

We conversed for about another fifteen seconds and then Bible thumper left with his Jesus CD. Really. How unbelievable is that? How does douchebag motherfucker going to get all up in my mug and ask me a question in English, listen to my response in English, and then ask me if I speak English? Son, we're talking! In English! Get a fucking clue! Puh-lease son. You better back the fuck off before I slap you silly with Pat's pilates mat. Shit. To recap. Eat some french fries. And if that doesn't make sense, I can repeat it in English for ya. (And yes, I realize how weird it is to tell someone I speak English well, even when you can spot about fifty million mistakes in this blog post alone. That's ok.)

111 Court St..
Brooklyn, NY 11201

Map to find Checkers

Posted by Danny on

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  • Dude, you're doing it wrong.

    The double BBQ bacon cheeseburger. It is as if Thor called upon the heavens to conjure him the manliest, meatiest most deliciousest hamburger ever. And he received it, and was like "Are you joking? C'mon, you can do better" and proceeded to slap an onion ring and BBQ sauce on the lot.


  • wow, you handled that surprisingly well. what did they say when you said "I probably speak English better than you?"

  • Oh Danny. Hahahaha.

  • haha, I try.

  • Ugh, I get that all the time. Annoying.

  • I get that a lot too. My usual response is: Yes, I speak English. And I am university educated. So before something stupid comes out of your mouth again, think first.

    "in head: discriminating a-hole"

  • Hahaha Danny :) I love this story. Du Yu speeck-euh English-euh?? :D

  • Wow, just wow.

  • I like best this mistake though:

    "How does douchebag motherfucker going to get all up in my mug and ask me a question in English, listen to my response in English, and then ask me if I speak English? "


    Someone was apologizing to me for her dog attacking mine and I just glared at her (because the only response could have been "That's ok" and it wasn't OK, so I kept my mouth shut) and finally asked me if I spoke English. (This was a few months back.) So I unleashed my perfect-English-speaking-foul-mouthed-wash-it-out-with-soap self on her. I think she regretted it afterwards... Teehee.

  • Oh man, those fries look good! i just passed by a checkers yesterday and didn't go in. =(

  • Give me the 1700 calories. Like now!

  • here's what you do ...

    "yes-uh ... i engrish some, okay? ... you know jesus?"

    wait for the excitement & follow up ...

    then you keep them occupied for as long as you can with broken english ... add an occasional chinese (or chinese sounding) word into the mix ... most start to speak real slow, loud, and in incomplete sentences for your benefit ... fake some interest in church if you must ... you know, to keep them talking ...

    when it's time for you to go, you shout out to your buddy, "as soon as i get rid of these slow bastards, we can hit the road!" ...

  • very interesting. in paris when i need that highcalorie kind of food i go to an auvergnat restaurant.

  • Argh... I don't know if there can be anything more infuriating than the "Do you speak English thing.." Maybe getting the ching-chong thing might be close, or maybe the "no I mean where you really, from, from..."

    I've even gotten in the well meaning, trying to be complimentary, "Where did you learn to speak English so well?"


    And people wonder why we're all so fucking angry ;)

    Anyway, good to see a brother standing up!

    Fuck 'em!

  • I'm surprised I've never gotten the "Do you speak English?" thing before, but if I did...daaaamnnn I dunno what I'd do. That's messed uppppp. If anything, I've had to tell people on a number of occasions that I DON'T SPEAK CHINESE and then look like a disgrace.

    I think no one asks me because I generally try to strike fear into people's hearts before they even approach me.

  • @Su-Lin,

    Oh wow, you get it all the time? I wonder if it's worse on the other side of the pond...?


    He just blabbered about how I'm a different ethnicity but dude just talked to me for fifteen seconds and I responded to him. He was whack.


    Ahh... that's a good one! I have to steal the line next time some a-hole says that to me.


    je ne parle pas Anglais :P


    Seriously. I don't get it.


    Unleashing a torrent of expletives feels great doesn't it?


    You have to stop in the Checkers for the fries! Don't get deterred by the calorie count!


    Yes, that's what I'm talking about!


    Haha, yea that ching chong thing is super annoying too. So's the one where people pulle the eyes to appear to have narrower eyes. That one deserves a "pow! right in the kisser!"


    That's what I have to do next time, be more like you. I shall strike fear in the hearts of everyone. Furry animals included, so hopefully they don't poop everywhere.

  • Must get their chili cheese fries!!!!!!!

  • This just made my day!

  • That sucks man...seems like the creepy jesus freaks are usually more blatant with the slow talking and "do you speak english" stuff. Regular folks are more subtle - "were you born here?" or "do your parents speak whatever-ese at home?". A friend's mom in grade school told me once that I have almost no accent. That confused the shit out of me.

    Funny thing is, I have this uncontrollable bklyn accent that springs up when I get agitated (which my co-workers think is hilarious). College/grad school all goes out the window and I'm like "if dat jerkoff thinks he's gonna tell yous dat blah blah blah..."

    Anyway...fuck dose guys.

  • @jenny,

    haha, thanks, glad it did!


    haha, exactly, fuck dose guys!


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