Crif Dog
Guest Post - Today my friend Jeremy chimes in with his thoughts about Crif Dogs. Language is a little PG-13, just so you know.
How long would you wait for a decent hot dog? If you said 22 minutes, you are certainly stupid, and you should go check out Crif Dogs on the corner of St. Marks and Hipster.
Me, Danny, and Patrick (known to most people as "Losers") went to the inexplicably popular hot dog joint AFTER eating dinner because we are fat and figure what's the point anymore? Actually to be historically accurate Patrick didn't eat a hot dog, he ate ice cream instead—which is why in gay circles we are known as "2 Losers and the cute one."
I guess people go to Crif Dogs because of the supposed variety of hot dogs they offer. That basically means they have hot dogs with different types of shit on it. However, I can see why they are popular with vegetarian hipsters in the area, for they offer a delightful soy tofu dog which for an additional 50 cents comes topped with the still-funny cream of sumyun gai.
Honestly, what really made the experience terrible was the guy in the picture.
Daniel and I agreed that he was amongst the top 3 worst cashiers ever1. It probably isn't obvious from this picture, but he is a retard. And he has a mustache, so that means that even other retards probably look at him and go "man, check out that idiot." I have never seen anyone panic in the face of completely ordinary tasks like inserting straws into soda cups the way this guy did. Although in his defense, he was probably too busy thinking about how to get his jeans to look more faded. I hope he gets slashed in Williamsburg.
What I am trying to say is, 22 minutes is too long to wait for a hot dog, no matter how pretty-good it is. What's scary is we arrived before the rush. By the time we left there was like a line of 10 people waiting to be disappointed. Who knows how long their Crif Dogs took? My advice to you is to avoid this crap and do something else with your time. In fact, here is a shortlist of what else I could have done in 22 minutes:
- make 22 hot dogs
- flap my hummingbird wings 22,000 times
- have sex 11 times
- masturbate once
Wow, I just looked up "crif" in the dictionary, and it doesn't mean shit. I think it's just a word the retard cashier made up during one of his spasms. Nah that's mean I'm sure he put a lot of thought into it.
1 - The other two being Pat's cashier from IKEA (very nice lady, just useless as a cashier) and Pat's cashier from Wendy's (useless as both a lady and as a cashier)
Crif Dogs
113 St. Marks Pl.
New York, NY 10009
212-614-2728
HILARIOUS. I am smirking so hard my cheeks hurt. And I'm just going to say what everyone else is thinking: wait, maybe no one else is thinking it. I'll wait. Oops.
Yvo
October 1, 2008 4:32 pm
hysterical. Does that tip sign say "tip if you love sexy Jesus"? Jesus has nothing to do with this; leave him out of it hipsters! I think I'm going to wear a huge star of david and go there and see if i can make hipster boy cry.
Blondie
October 1, 2008 7:00 pm
Sorry, you guys are dumb for waiting for 22 minutes for hot dogs. Why is there a disco ball?
Ang
October 2, 2008 12:16 am
Hipsters and Hot Dogs...ewwww. Who is this Jeremy? He is funny! OMG! RFOL RFOL LMAO LMAO
DMD
October 2, 2008 11:31 am
If you don't like waiting 22 min. for a hot dog, don't try going to Pink's in LA. It can take 1 hour to get to the window.
Jack
October 2, 2008 2:56 pm
LOLS Jeremy should do more guest posts!
Why's it take you 22 minutes to masturbate?! -=X
wonders
October 2, 2008 10:20 pm
11x! quantity not quality i guess. unfortunately, this post make me want to go to crif dogs to see the lame-o myself. so funny.
bionicgrrrl
October 2, 2008 11:34 pm
wow 22 mins .. i love the short list! wtf Jack? 1 hr? what is Pinks and how would u know?!? lolz this post is funny, i should do some food blogging if i ever get off. Save a spot for me Danny!
haha i just noticed the disco ball Ang!
Steve
October 3, 2008 1:09 am
Also, why is the Burger King guy selling hot dogs? this does not bode well for Burger King.
Ang
October 3, 2008 1:26 pm