Editor's note: Listen. I'm going to use whatever language I damn well choose on this blog. Unsubscribe or leave if you don't like it. Fuck. Damn. Shit. Motherfucker. Chink. They're all words I use in real life and are words that will show up on the blog. I will not apologize if you get offended. Just leave. I don't want you here if you get offended [endRant]. Chinese bakeries in New York City are about as predictable as the trajectory of a fiercely struck Jabulani ball. You think you're getting one thing but it takes off in a different direction. I walked by Fay Da Bakery the other day and saw a sign that said "Grass Jelly." Naturally, my thyroids went on full alert and my pants stiffened a little. Only a little. "Is that what I think it is?" If you're a yellow-blooded American, you'll know what grass jelly is all about. But then beneath that sign I saw one that said "Red bean ice" Woo! I had to get that and boy, I was excited for some red bean ice.
The problem as you can see, is that it's not shaved ice with red bean. It's red beans blended with ice. Like a red bean frappucino if you will. WTF?! WTF is red bean frappucino? Who eats that shit? Well I did but who wants to eat it? It wasn't good. The red bean flavor was not strong because the ratio of ice to red bean was off. It was a serious letdown for sure.
It would be nice if Chinese bakeries could allow New Yorkers to sample good tasting things. That's just not always the case though. And over the past decade of living in New York, I can tell you one good rule of thumb is never buy cake in a Chinese bakery, unless it's one of those things that's rolled into a log. Those things, Chinks will eat. Thus those things have high turnover. The rest... where they try to get cute and fancy... it's often dry and old. They also try to get cute with this red bean ice thing. WTF man... Fay Da might as well just tell people Chinese people like eating and drinking crap all day.
By the way, Go Spain! Go Holland! Go Argentina! I want to see those three teams do well in the World Cup. There's a great Netherlands vs Brazil game going on tomorrow morning and another great game of Argentina vs Germany on Saturday. Everyone oughta stay tuned to all of this. Nothing is like being a bandwagon soccer fan every four years. Just make sure you're not drinking no red bean frappucino while you watch the games.
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